I blast the music at full volume so I can’t hear myself sobbing.
I stand under the shower so I don’t see the tracks of my own tears.
I take deeps breaths so I can pretend its all alright.
I try so hard yet the person I’m really not convincing turns out to be myself. All I want is to say to your face how much hatred and contempt there is within me that no matter how much I cry its still there, a gaping hole where my heart must have been a really long ‘once upon a time’ ago. Its hopeless you know? Its like trying to turn around on a one way street. Its like trying to fly with wet wings. Its like, its like knowing that you’ll never be. Must have been punisment for whatever it is I have done. You know what? I don’t regret every lie I’ve told you, every night I delibrately stayed away from home, every dinner I ate alone, every moment I wasted doing stupid things with people you don’t approve of.
I can tell you those were the moments I truly felt happy. I felt like a was wanted, like I belonged. Nothing you have ever given me.
Once agai, you have not the right to call my name so frivolously.
